I'm nearly at the end of my first TLP listening cycle of 20 weeks and am looking back at the things I have learned and the benefits and gains I have seen. There is a great book I've never read called, 'Feeling Buried Alive Never Die.' I've been told to read this by all kinds of people in the last 10 years and haven't. I did finally buy it 6 months ago, but have not gotten into it. I totally agree that you shouldn't stuff your feelings and that people probably get cancer and heart disease and other stress related things, like wrinkles, hair loss and bad breath from holding back what they are really thinking, but I still haven't read the book.
One of the most impactful results from my listening to a frequency basic music listening program is the repressed memories that have bubbled up to the surface for me to deal with. Doesn't 'bubbled up' sound lovely?! In the 5th and 6th weeks of listening I was flooded with memories of my childhood; some I remembered and some I definitely did not.
I grew up in an over achieving household full of religious, bigots, beyond their thresholds of comfort, with perfected abilities to act like nothing was awry. People at church thought we were the perfect family. We looked good, sounded good and smelled good, but behind the front door of our house, things were not good. Dad ruled the house with an iron fist, literally.
He had been an only child with parents who did not want him. As a child he was bounced around from his grandparents to an orphanage to a sweet family in his town growing up. His mother was a concert pianist and had several husbands at a time when that wasn't done. Dad worked hard to be a perfect student with perfect grades who sang, played trombone and danced like nobody's business.
Mom grew up on a farm in Missouri, the show me state, went to college in MO, then to design school at Ray Vogue Art Schools in Chicago, where my parents first met. Mom had a vision of becoming the next Edith Head and designing fabulous gowns for glamorous women and modeled for extra money while going through school. She was one term from her degree when she got married and Dad told her to quit as no wife of his was going to work.
It was a time when women did what their husbands told them to do. It is also how I was raised. Both my parents are gone now and I appreciate, ,so much, how hard they worked to take care of their large family as best as they knew how. Neither of them had been around babies and yet eventually, they had 11 of them. I was the oldest and the smallest of the bunch. There was a lot of trouble inside our home, but I always loved my family and did my best to take care of them.
The frequencies effecting speech and language also effect memory. Memories are tied to emotions and when emotions get stuffed; say when things happen to a child or in the field of vision of a child, and said child cannot handle them, they do hunker down inside causing damage. This is the type of thing that 'bubbled up' to the surface and is why, going into TLP, my provider asked me point blank, 'Do you have a therapist or someone you can talk to?' And I can tell you I surely do and I had to as even at my age, I could not have handled the emotional devastation this could have caused. Between TLP and therapy, I am very glad I am going through this as those feelings I buried so long ago can be free to leave. I'm grateful for the process where I can deal, grieve and heal from these invisible wounds.
No comments:
Post a Comment